this weekend was hot. chris` parents went out of town. yeaah. enough said. i spent the whole weekend there. my mother thought i was at ari's. i probably should have told ari i was "there" ...eek, my bad. friday night was spent drinking with sarah, jack and chris. we didn't have any hardcore shiz, just red wine and orange juice. actually, come to think of it, the boys didn't even drink. it was just me and sarah. "getting crunked" is what it's called, i believe. anyway, saturday night was weird. me and chris woke up, took a shower, just chilled, then jack came over, and we hung out for a while and then went to downtown birmingham. i saw david and christine. yeah. we drove back to ferndale to get josh and a couple of his friends. actually, they just didn't know where royal oak was, so we had to show them. while this was happening, i was talking to my great friend luke. oh yes. we got bacardi o. holy fuck. just thinking of it makes me want to puke. but on with the story, i outdrank chris and jack. one glass of bacardi straight and then i think 3 or 4 more glasses mixed with orange juice. lets sum it up... the last thing(s) i remember are... i was playing pool with jack, we were both laughing for no reason, i was laying on the floor trying to talk to chris and shooting a wooden toy gun... i remember jack saying i was a sad drunk, chris was a mean drunk and he is a funny drunk... then i remember it being midnight but the clock said 11 so i got confused, then i heard my phone go off, and i looked at it and it was my mom, and i actually contemplated answering it, but i didn't. i set my phone down. layed on the floor... then i don't know what happend for the next 5 hours. can you say blackout? i can. chris and jack told me i was crying hysterically, and i wanted chris to hold me and "never let go." hmm. then jack was on my phone talking to sarah and sarah told me she heard me. hhoott. i guess we went up to chris's room and i puked 7 times... said i had to go to the bathroom, so he took me down, and i didn't do anything. umm, then i puked some more and then passed out. hardcore. chris was getting pissed at me, probably because he had to take care of my drunk ass, and he punched a hole in the wall. hahaha. we have a hot story on how that happend. let me mind you, this is all while jack is on my phone talking to sarah. anyways. i woke up this morning at 10:45, in my underwear, (no nothing happend, i just puked all over myself.) i had absolutly no idea where i was/why i was there/who i was with. i looked at chris and the first thing i said was... "we didn't have sex... did we?" hahaha. he said no. i kept trying to get up, but my head was just so heavy. haaangover. i stumbled downstairs and found jack passed out on the couch, with my dead battary-ed phone. wooo. i have an amazing boyfriend. and after spending so much time with him this weekend, he's even more amazing. anyways. i went back upstairs and layed around. feeling like shit. gah. sarah went to a wedding last night, so she was all hungover. it was funny. i went home for a while and she came over, and we went out with chris again, then she tryed some of the bacardi and loved it. oh, sarah. what am i going to do with you? heh. my mom was angry i didn't come home all weekend. i understand. meh. luckily for me i'm too numb to feel how anyone in my situation would be feeling.
that, or i'm just in denial that it happened again and i hate it. another wishful thought crumbled. i don't know why, but i've heard of at least three cute couples that have broken up in the past week. it's crazy. there must be some strange being-single fad that i'm unaware of. as for today, i fully intend on being an internet whore and i think i'm going to watch 8 mile tonight, it seems like a movie night... it wouldn't be complete without a sickening amount of fattening things. tonight will be orgasmic. okay. all too often i'm told of my cold-heartedness and supposive "mean" qualities. unfortunately, very few will ever know how false that is. under layers of decay i swear there's still parts that are more kind and compassionate than anyone could've even began to imagine coming from such a dark cavity. more passion and longing to be something other than solitary and alone. more dreams soaked in optimism that you couldn't believe were spawned in such a sad, little girl. i can, though vaguely, see those rays of light shine through when i think about myself. conversations have made me realize that no one is aware of the good that i do, despite popular belief. i should try smiling more. or maybe artificially laughing. possible attempts towards more kind gestures such as opening doors or complimenting. ugh. that's not me. but just because i outwardly am not peppy suzie-highschool, doesn't mean i must be such a terrible, cynical person. i know the good. maybe that's all that should matter. regardless, my mother is still mad at me. awesome. i have to write a 3 page paper on what i did this weekend. and why. i am grounded until it's done. woot.
 i am going to ferndale high school next year. not even joking. after what happend friday and after i got my academic updates... umm yeah. goodbye roeper. no joke this time. [/edit]